It’s easy to pass judgment. It’s natural to make quick observations, to mentally assess someone else’s behavior or choices. We do it all the time—whether it’s the way someone speaks, dresses, or handles a challenging situation. But sometimes, the very things we judge in others have a funny way of showing up in our own lives when we least expect it.
There’s a tendency to watch someone go through something difficult or make choices we would never consider for ourselves, and think, I would never do that. We stand on the outside, feeling detached, even righteous in our judgment. But what happens when we take a step back, after all the judgment, and try to see the bigger picture?
What happens when we realize that we may not fully understand what’s at play in someone’s life—the factors that shaped their decisions, the fears and pressures that influenced their behavior? We don’t always have the full picture. We don’t always know what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes, and sometimes, that’s exactly what we need to do before passing judgment.
I remember a time when I was quick to judge, and I later realized the lesson it taught me. A colleague of mine, someone I considered to be very progressive and outspoken, announced that she was going to march for women. I didn’t know the details at first, but I was curious, so I asked her what the march was about. She told me it was to stand up for women’s rights, to protect us from being judged or having our rights taken away. I thought, That sounds great! She’s advocating for something important. I was supportive but distanced myself, thinking, “Good for you, enjoy the march.”
Then, just a few days later, I saw her Facebook post. It caught me off guard. She had posted the hashtag #free along with a picture of the wife of someone she didn’t like. She used the hashtag in a context that felt completely contradictory to her earlier stance on standing up for women. I thought to myself, Wait a minute. Didn’t you just march to defend women? And now you’re publicly judging another woman?
In that moment, I couldn’t help but feel a sharp sense of hypocrisy. I felt the sting of judgment, not just toward her, but toward myself. It hit me: I was the one judging. How could I have missed that? In my rush to call her out, I failed to recognize my own tendency to judge as well. I was caught in the same trap, just in a different form.
This experience taught me something profound: the very behaviors we criticize in others can sneak up on us. Life has a funny way of showing us that what we condemn or refuse to understand can come back around in unexpected ways. We all have our flaws, our blind spots, and our moments of contradiction. What starts as judgment can quickly become an opportunity for introspection.
What if we paused before we judge? What if we acknowledged that everyone has a story, a context, a challenge we may not fully understand? We might see that the very things we’re so quick to criticize are the ones that might one day find their way into our own lives, forcing us to confront the judgment we once passed on others.
So, the next time you feel that urge to judge—whether it’s about someone’s life choices, their behavior, or their beliefs—remember that what’s happening in their yard might, in some way, end up in yours. Take a step back. Ask yourself, “What don’t I know? What’s motivating their actions? And where might I be judging myself too?”
We all carry our own burdens. We all make choices based on the information we have, the experiences we’ve had, and the growth we’re in the process of undergoing. It’s okay to disagree, but it’s important to be mindful of how we treat others—and to check ourselves before we get too comfortable in our judgments.
Because when we judge others too harshly, we risk trapping ourselves in the same cycle. And as I learned from my colleague’s actions, the more we judge, the more we may find ourselves repeating the very patterns we once criticized.
